There are moments where I’m met with the shock of others expectations for me to be fully independent and self-sufficient, or even my own. In these moments, it can feel like I have no other option but to step off an unknown ledge – without certainty that I will be able to support or catch myself if there are no footholds. This feels daunting and lonely, and it feels unfair because it feels like I am being forced into a life of serving something else (capitalism, perhaps), without the security that it will support me back. I don’t want to be reliant on my family forever, but in becoming less so, at this time in my life, there feels like much uncertainty about whether I can actually achieve this whilst still living the life I want – for my health and my sanity.
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