The Idea

Starting university was a really strange time for me. I come from a low socioeconomic background and experienced a lot of stuff in my childhood that convinced me I was never going to have a nice future of my own. University definitely wasn’t in my plans – no one in my family had been before, so when I started uni I was already feeling like an outsider. I felt like I didn’t belong (major imposter syndrome!). I was excelling academically, but struggling in every other way. I was at mental rock bottom because I couldn’t keep up with university. I was missing deadlines, missing most of my classes, and put zero effort into making friends. I craved the connection though, and often felt sad looking around me at uni and seeing my fellow peers talking and laughing together. It was worse in second year because by then, everyone had their established friend groups. It made me not want to go to classes anymore because I’d often be one of the only ones who was sitting there without someone to talk to.

I desired connection and new friends (as my current friends do not go to university), but my energy and time was focused on being in survival mode – grappling with severe anxiety and severe depression. My struggles with university started to make a lot of sense last year when I found out it was undiagnosed ADHD and I’d just flown under the radar my whole life due to exceptional grades and being very quiet/reserved – teachers wouldn’t have had a reason to suspect anything. This was a big wake up call for me. This year has been a lot better – I was medicated for both depression and anxiety (after two years of therapy) and it was the best choice I could’ve made, my mental health improved significantly. It’s amazing the energy you can put towards things when your energy is no longer being used up trying to battle your own mind. I put myself out there in various opportunities both within and outside of university, I gained a few casual jobs, began volunteering in the community, and started making connections/networks. It’s given me some confidence in myself, to the point where I’m actually looking forward to being back at university next semester (surprisingly!).