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At the start of this year, I discovered my first ever partner, who I’d been with for 18 months, was cheating on me.
I threw myself into a bunch of rapid life changes in an attempt to keep myself busy and not spiral too far down into something hard to claw my way out of.
I picked a TAFE course, one doing something pretty new and different for me. I went in hoping to put myself out there, and make friends – something difficult for someone as introverted as I. However I found I was surrounded by people dissimilar to me. I’d set out to learn something new and make friends – and only one of those things ended up happening.
Since then it’s been hard to really feel accepted at TAFE. I feel like a bit of a black sheep. I’m older than most of the students, and none of them know what I have been going through.
Throughout my time in schooling through years 1 – 12 I had never had many friends, but also didn’t really understand the concept of loneliness and so it never stuck out to me as what I was experiencing, but that is different now that I am older. The realisation of what I experience being loneliness almost hurts more than not knowing. It’s so easy to slip into these cycles of giving yourself reasons as to why you are lonely. That you aren’t good enough, or desirable enough.
Combined with the deep, complex emotions attached to a first breakup – it’s been a rough start to my year. However one thing that has helped my keep my head up has been being more public about how I have been feeling. Writing songs, poems – and most importantly delving into a journey of emotional growth. Realising what I care about, and what I value. Telling those I care about that I appreciate them more often, trying to generally bring more joy to the world.
While I still feel lonely, quite frequently, it’s something to hold on to. Something that keeps me going, knowing that I am the type of person who wants to bring good to this world and make others happy. I am grateful that I grew into the person I am today. But the ever-present haze of loneliness is always there, and I can only hope that one day it will go away.
The ALIVE National Centre is funded by the NHMRC Special Initiative in Mental Health.
The ALIVE National Centre for Mental Health Research Translation acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the land on which we work, and pay our respects to the Elders, past and present. We are committed to working together to address the health inequities within our Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities.
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The ALIVE National Centre for Mental Health Research Translation is funded by the National Health and Medical Research Council (NHMRC) Special Initiative in Mental Health GNT2002047.
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ALIVE Next Generation Researcher Network Application Form Click here
For University based research higher degree students, early/mid-career mental health researchers
ALIVE Lived Experience Research Collective Application Form Click here
For University and community based lived-experience or carer-focused mental health researchers at all career stages
ALIVE Collective Application Form Click here
For any individuals or organisations with a general interest in supporting the special initiative in mental health
ALIVE Implementation and Translation Network (ITN) Application Form Click here
For sector, service delivery organisations in mental health serving people across the life course and priority populations
If you have a general enquiry about The Alive National Centre for Mental Health Research Translation, please submit an enquiry below